Wednesday, 18 July 2012

A flashback maybe

It wasn't a good night last night.  I don't know why. It seemed as if I was dreaming all the night but I suspect that's not the case at all.  However there was something that happened which was really quite scary.

I had a dream, or maybe a flashback, which was sudden, vivid, incredibly dramatic and terrifying. When I came to I realised I was lying on my back and that nothing was wrong with me. My heart was beating quite normally, my breathing was fine - yes, I did a very calm check of everything and was surprised to find nothing amiss.

Yet the sensation which woke me - and I cried out because I remember hearing my own voice - was of something having happened to my heart, maybe even that it had stopped - and that the very centre of my being, right in the middle of my torso was being pulled apart. It's nothing I've ever experienced before and I hope never to again.  I interpreted it (because it's one's nature to try interpretation and to make sense of the thoughts) as if I was being pulled forward, upwards - indeed away from life. That's why, when I came too I checked I was still alive.  I was awake in an instant but terrified and pulled the sheet over my head in order to sleep again - daft, I now.

Could that have been a flashback to surgery I wonder?  I'm off now to Google surgery flashbacks and see what is the likelihood that I retained memory of the experience.

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