Friday, 25 November 2011

OK, I'll tell you now

I'd resolved to tell you, but not until I was better. It didn't take long.

That encounter with the radiographer really knocked me for six. I think it was the certainty with which he delivered his verdict. Don't get me wrong. I'm the sort of cancer patient who wants to know the news so I was delighted to get some information on a day that I expected none.

I suppose I've been bouncing along so happily because no-one else was worried about my thyroid, and I'd argued to myself that if the chemo had been so effective on the lung, it must have been similarly effective on my thyroid. The oncologist this time last year said that would be the effect. The fact that no-one even mentioned my thyroid all the way through the lung episode meant I almost forgot it; it just wasn't discussed unless I brought it up. I'd been lulled into a false sense of security. Even my GP wasn't bothered (and no, his face wasn't bovered eiver!)

So I had argued myself into a position when I anticipated being given reassuring news and told not to worry. It's pretty much the same routine as exactly the same time last year. You keep telling yourself that if it's bad news you can deal with it, but the chances are it won't be (bad news that is).

Then it is bad. Yes, I took a downturn last year too. I remember hubby and I both sat and shed a few tears, understandably and unsurprisingly. So it was this year - almost to the exact day. In fact tomorrow is the anniversary of finding out for sure that I had lung cancer.

Anyway, I digress. This time I also took a psychological tumble and true to form, about four days later, I've bounced back. My usual joie de vivre has returned. I didn't want to tell you that I was down, because I know it will upset quite a few who read this, and I knew I'd resurface very soon. And so I have. It's just interesting to note that it does happen from time to time to me; I'm not completely invincible or perfect. I'm almost perfect though!