Saturday, 14 January 2012

How it feels

The last few days I've met many lovely people who, when hearing of my narrow escape from the grim reaper, say: you must feel this, or your must feel that. Such exchanges have made me ask myself: what do I feel?

Well, I feel rather as if I've been on a year-long training course. The autumn of 2009 was spent preparing for the course, coming gradually to the realisation that I was bound to experience it and there was no escape and accepting that. I didn't want to undertake the course but as I had no choice I felt I'd have to give it my best shot. 2011 was the year in which I embarked upon the rigours of the training, with all that entailed.

As 2012 dawned, despite all my worries and fears, I have graduated with top marks. I'm pleased, everyone else is very pleased; life couldn't be better. But what now? There was no guaranteed job at the end of this course, so the big question is indeed: what now?

That's exactly how it feels. I've been spared, I've been saved, but for what? Should I get a job? Not sure about that - it would be a tie. There's something wonderful about being footloose and fancy free. I have plenty to do. Don't get me wrong. I've got local events to publicise, I've got the pub down the road to promote. I have a whole pile of reading relating to the cancer patients' group. Upstairs my sewing machine sits all forlorn with a couple of yards of dark purple velvet beside it. That's not the issue, there's plenty to keep me busy.

It's the grander scheme of things that calls for my attention. I now have to decide what to do with the rest of my life.

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