I have now spoken to my ANP (nurse specialising in lung cancer and attached to the team). She does not think my insistence on getting some clear answers and explanations to my questions unreasonable and will bring up the case at the next team meeting and get back to me. I was very reassured and consoled by my phone conversation. In fact I got the feeling that she felt the matter of lack of information was a little more serious than I did.
So far I've remained relatively calm and serene through all the hiccups of the process. But I realised after Tuesday's meeting that I'd gone into attack mode and of course that means storing up some new baggage which is not good for this temple of a body that I'm creating. So to be thought reasonable is a great relief.
It's strange, the chemo does appear first to affect the brain. If I ever have any 'down' feelings they are rare and usually on the first few days after chemo. Today I found I was thinking negative thoughts - it didn't last long - just a few sconds and I snapped out of it - but it does happen. I know some people who read this blog think I'm putting a gloss on having this life-threatening illness, but believe me I'm not. I really am having a lovely time at the moment in my semi-retirment and the black cloud only grabs me just occasionally.